Dear Jif

In a shameless attempt to get free peanut butter, I sent the following letter to Jif:

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Dear Jif,

As a Peace Corps Volunteer, I often face physically and mentally challenging situations, such as:

• Isolation
• Parasites infecting my stomach
• Living without electricity or indoor plumbing
• Flesh-eating bacteria.

However, the only situation I consider a true emergency is:

• Running out of peanut butter.

When that happens, my mental fortitude breaks down and I immediately board a bus, which takes me out of the mountains of the indigenous reservation in which I live, two hours to the nearest provincial capital. Which brings me to my first Thank You:

Thank you, Jif Distribution People, for distributing your amazing product to the Panamanian provincial capital of David, while maintaining an affordable price. You make my life more liveable and more delicious every month.

I should here mention that the Peter Pan Distribution People have also found their way to my provincial capital and offer their creamy peanut butter at a similar price point. Which brings me to my next Thank You:

Thank you, Jif Flavor and Texture People, for making a product far superior to the mediocre Peter Pan brand creamy peanut butter. The Jif 18 ounce Creamy Peanut Butter is the Michael Phelps of creamy peanut butter and Jif's competitors are 'those other' swimmers, whose names we don't know and who entertain and delight no one outside of their immediate families.

Finally, thank you, Jif Contact People, for receiving this letter and forwarding it to the Distribution People, Flavor and Texture People and CEO. I want them to know that during my two year service to my country (America), I had many tough moments and in those moments was able to turn to Jif, instead of drug abuse. You have all made my life more liveable, delicious and drug free.

And in all seriousness, I absolutely love Jif creamy, which served as my number one, go-to comfort food during my service and which I will continue to choose, for myself and for my children, for the rest of my life.

Sincerely,

Jack Fischl

Community Economic Development Volunteer

Peace Corps – Panamá

2010-2012

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So far, no free peanut butter - just a cordial, but generic email response. I don't think it made it to the CEO.