This page has moved to a new address.

I Think My Neighbors Saw Me Naked

In the "Cult of Escapism": I Think My Neighbors Saw Me Naked

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I Think My Neighbors Saw Me Naked

I think my neighbors saw me naked today. Here’s what happened:
The sun is almost finished with us but you can still see clearly without a flashlight. Returning (victorious) from a volleyball tournament, I go straight for the shower. Now, my shower has three “walls” (blue tarp), all of which have large holes in them. Each time I shower I must decide, do I wear boxers or risk it and go naked? Generally, when the sun’s up, so are the boxers; night brings them down. Although I have, many times, risked it during the day and gotten away with it.
As the day was torn between light and dark, I was torn between humility and exposure. Calculating, I decided that people rarely visit once it’s dark and the boxers should stay on the clothesline.
While soaping my chest (an extremely enjoyable act for hairy men), I glanced at the house and saw my neighbors – an ancient lady and her granddaughter – retreating from my porch. They were about ten feet from me. I stepped behind the tarp and calculated again. Apologize? Pretend like nothing happened? Strike a pose?

They at least knew I was there. Expecting them to run away shouting “Unclean! Unclean!” I asked them to give me ten minutes. “We’ll wait here” responded the old lady. They sat down on the ground, within sight and facing the shower.
Side note – Ngöbes always bathe with something on – women in their traditional dresses (i.e. fully clothed) and men in shorts. This suggests that they assumed I was clothed and never saw me naked. I hope.
They sat and again I calculated: A) If they saw me naked, there’s nothing more to see; B) I hadn’t yet shampooed my hair. So I continued, quickly, put my towel on and went into the house.
Minutes later, we were on the porch, drinking Tang and talking about the weather. They gifted me 14 mangos from one of their trees (the gifts are out of control lately – this family alone has given me about 30 mangos in the past two weeks and they’re not the only gifters; I’ve been averaging about five mangos a day and still have about 20 left in the house); I explained to them who Bin Laden was and why he now “walks with the Devil.”
Best case – they saw me shirtless, but I’m shirtless around my house about 98% of the time – no problem.
Worst case – they saw me completely naked. But now there’s nothing left to hide; maybe next time they can help me soap my chest.  

My Shower


At May 10, 2011 at 5:51 PM , Blogger Ila said...

my next package to you will contain that metallic sheet that i taped to our bathroom window. it did wonders for me

At May 15, 2011 at 10:55 PM , Blogger captain g said...

well, is the grand daughter attractive?? and appropriately aged for you?

At February 28, 2013 at 10:44 AM , Blogger bama said...

The mangos sound wonderful!


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home