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Another False Victory

In the "Cult of Escapism": Another False Victory

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Another False Victory

Note: This blog post originates from a journal entry titled, I Won the War. Much like Mission Accomplished, in retrospect, this is the most ironic and inappropriate title I could have chosen because the day after I wrote this, a new bat began inhabiting my house and yes, pooping on my floor. But that makes this entry that much funnier, at least in retrospect and at least for you, because you don’t have bat poop on your floor.  
I Won the War
I waited weeks before writing this, so as not to jinx it: the bat is dead. For new readers unfamiliar with my struggle against bats, just know that bats inhabited my house for several months and I used various methods of removing them, none of which succeeded until recently. Heres’ the final chapter:
I finally found some bat poison at a small shop in the city (btw, remember that I tried rat poison, without success) called Vampirisan, which is a pink, odorless, tasteless* paste. (Strangely, the label says, “For Veterinary Use.” Where did the owner get this stuff? Do I need to be a doctor to use it? Can I pick a cool doctor pseudonym like Dr. X or Dr. Robotnik?) The clerk told me to rub it in the area where they nest. I never found the nest so I just peeled back a flap of ripe banana, applied liberally, and resealed the flap. To keep out of reach of children, I put it on the crossbeam above a doorway.

For veterinary use only.

That night, like many nights back then, I woke to flapping wings but instead of listening helplessly, I listened hopefully and was rewarded. There were some energetic thumps from about ceiling height and then a high pitched squealing from the ground. Encouraged, I got up, grabbed a flashlight and went for the location of the sound. Instead of finding a tiny, twitching body however, I found nothing. Turning around, I did find the banana laying on the ground, so I replaced it and went back to sleep.
Two days later, I replaced the poison banana with a fresh one, just to be sure. No shrieking this time, but this banana also ended up on the floor. Since then, I haven’t seen or heard a bat in the house and more importantly, I haven’t seen any bat poop on the floor.
Site-mate Laura refuses to use poison, because she’s a kind-hearted person, who won’t soon receive angry emails from PETA. But bats are clinging to her mosquito net at night while they poop on her floor. I’m just sayin, the Vet is ready with the pink paste. Just call me Dr. Death.

*Just seeing if you’re paying attention – no, I didn’t taste any.
Again, after a one month hiatus, a bat waited for me to write my victory blog post and then promptly returned and pooped on my floor. Unbelievable. Another poisoned banana lies in wait.  Maybe I really do have to be a vet.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Side note on the many side notes: I realized, based on careful analysis (i.e. leaning in and smelling) that there is a new poop on my floor – mouse poop. Now the rat poison is also strewn about the house. This is getting ridiculous.  


At July 25, 2011 at 9:46 AM , Blogger Stephen said...

my rat kill count is at about 42 so far in my house, though a 3 foot long snake has taken to living in the kitchen and my rat problem has greatly diminished

At August 2, 2011 at 12:32 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

we should all share stories one day. i have something in my house that calls itself "diana". not sure what it wants, but it sure does poop alot. it also makes some mean chinese food


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