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Life with Amoebas

In the "Cult of Escapism": Life with Amoebas

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Life with Amoebas

Amoebas are a one celled protozoa that have certain virulent strains that make you poop water every two hours until you have the good sense, four days later, to go to the hospital. Life with amoebas significantly changes even the most mundane of activities, as you can see from this useful and extremely scientific chart:

Activity
Normally
With Amoebas
Walking Around
With good weather, a pleasant and healthy activity
Too risky, might poop pants
Sitting in a Hammock Reading a Book
Leisurely way to spend free time
Your only safe option, as long as the latrine is close
Cooking
Sometimes fun, always necessary to feed oneself
Pointless, you won’t be able to eat it anyway
Talking to People
Important part of community integration and generally enjoyable
Too risky, might poop pants
Conducting a Meeting
Doing my job
I wonder what they’d think of me, as a professional, if I pooped my pants right now?
Using the Latrine
Once every few days
Every two hours, it’s a war.
Riding the Bus to the Hospital
Why would I need to go to the hospital?
Do we really need to stop and pick those people up?

I have since received powerful drugs that work, I understand, like little nuclear bombs, killing everything, good and bad, inside my general intestinal area. I feel a lot, lot better, but I’ve heard I don’t have any white blood cells anymore for a while. We’ll see how that works out for me.

1 Comments:

At December 14, 2012 at 6:40 AM , Blogger bama said...

Yep! I think I know this one from a travel to Brazil. Shitters are just too few and far between. My son got treatment for this in the Philippines, but much sooner than four days. Hope you managed to avoid this from the rest of your stay.

 

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